Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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