you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
