OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
