They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
