Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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