worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just high enough for therapy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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