Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
