im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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