His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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