Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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