Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
