Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
