My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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