I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
