dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
