After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
