Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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