Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
