Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
