Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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