So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
