i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
