i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
