I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I supernannyed him into submission
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
