i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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