nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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