i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
