So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize