hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
