We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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