u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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