just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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