Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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