Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The air was thick with penises
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
