I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize