can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Houston, we have a blender
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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