i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize