Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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