I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize