so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
