he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
