Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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