So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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