Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
