can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
