The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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