I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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