My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
