Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
