So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize