Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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