My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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