It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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