I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize