She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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