Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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