high people should be assigned attendants
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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