I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are we still banned from the library?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
