It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
