its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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