fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
