so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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