Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
