Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
