Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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