Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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