I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
