I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
