This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
