last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
