Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
