I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
