you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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