The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
