were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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