wat bout pragnant strippers??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
