I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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