She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
