Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
