then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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