just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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