Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
