Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
