btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
