If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize