The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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