I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
