Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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