he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
