i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
