I'm so fucking centered right now
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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