You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
