My room smells like vodka and shame
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
