he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize