I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
