is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
