i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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