I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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