Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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