Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
