my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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